Beyond Romance: The True Meaning of Love and Wholeness
The Myth of Separation
The idea that love is a journey toward wholeness has deep roots in ancient philosophy. In Plato’s Symposium, Aristophanes tells a myth that speaks to the deepest longing of the human soul—the desire to reunite with what was once lost. He describes how humans were originally spherical beings, possessing four arms, four legs, and two faces. These beings were powerful, whole, and self-sufficient, yet they defied the gods. There were three types of these original beings: male-male, female-female, and male-female, each representing different expressions of unity and love. In response, Zeus split them in half, weakening them but also introducing the most profound yearning—the search for their missing other half. Aristophanes says this is the origin of love: an attempt to restore a lost unity. This myth sets the stage for a broader exploration of how love is not just about finding another but about rediscovering oneself.
Beyond Romantic Love: The Search for Wholeness
Love is often framed as a romantic pursuit, but its significance extends beyond relationships with others. For centuries, this myth has been interpreted as a story of romantic love, reinforcing the idea that we are incomplete without another person. Yet, beneath its surface lies a more profound truth: the journey of love is not just about finding another, but about reuniting with oneself.
To love oneself is to reclaim that original wholeness, to gather all the fragmented pieces—our past selves, our shadows, our rejected aspects—and integrate them into a single, harmonious being. We often seek external love to fill voids within, but true fulfillment comes from mending the internal divisions. Love, then, is not an external pursuit but an inward journey, an act of self-reconciliation. Understanding this allows us to reframe our search for love as an inward process rather than an external chase.
Recognizing Our Fragmentation
To reconnect with ourselves, we must first recognize how we have become divided. Many of us have sometimes felt like we are missing something essential, as if part of us has been lost or hidden away. This sense of separation manifests in various ways: self-doubt, anxiety, a feeling of never being enough. We search for meaning in relationships, achievements, or external validation, hoping that something outside of us will complete us. But just as the split beings in Aristophanes’ myth were once whole, so too were we before we learned to fragment ourselves to fit expectations, societal norms, or past wounds. Identifying these points of division is the first step toward healing and reuniting with our most authentic selves.
The Process of Self-Reunion
Healing the inner divide requires conscious effort and self-acceptance. Reuniting love to oneself means remembering that we were never truly broken—only convinced that we were. It is the process of embracing all we are, unapologetically and entirely. It is choosing to accept the contradictions within, to nurture our strengths and our weaknesses, and to find beauty in the totality of our being. Self-love is not a vague concept; it is an active process of integration, an ongoing commitment to recognizing our worth, speaking kindly to ourselves, and embodying our truth.
Practical Practices for Self-Reunion
To actively rebuild the fragmented self and cultivate inner unity, consider these practical approaches:
Daily Self-Reflection – Set aside time each day to check in with yourself. Journaling, meditation, or simply sitting in stillness can help bring clarity to your thoughts and emotions.
Inner Dialogue Awareness – Pay attention to how you speak to yourself. Replace self-criticism with self-compassion and affirmations that reinforce your worth.
Reconnect with Your Passions – Engage in activities that bring you joy and align with your authentic self, such as creative pursuits, exercise, or personal projects.
Embrace Your Shadow – Acknowledge and accept the parts of yourself you have suppressed or denied. Therapy, shadow work, or guided self-inquiry can help in this process.
Set Boundaries – Honor your needs by setting healthy boundaries in relationships and situations that drain your energy or compromise your integrity.
Practice Gratitude – Cultivate appreciation for yourself and your journey by reflecting on what you have achieved, overcome, and learned.
Engage in Self-Care Rituals – Treat yourself with the same care and kindness you would offer a loved one. This could include physical self-care, nourishing meals, or restful downtime.
By actively participating in these practices, we cultivate a deeper sense of wholeness and self-sufficiency.
Loving from Wholeness
While self-reunion is a universal concept, my own experience sharpened my understanding of this truth. Understanding that love must begin within ourselves allows us to break free from dependency on external validation and cultivate true emotional resilience.
Once we have integrated our fragmented parts, our capacity for love transforms. We become whole again when we stop looking outward for completion and turn inward to heal. And in that wholeness, we no longer love from a place of lack but from abundance. We do not seek to be saved but to share the richness of a self-fulfilled existence. Just as Aristophanes’ myth reminds us that love is a return to unity, so too is the love we cultivate within the key to our truest fulfillment. Embracing self-love allows us to engage with the world and others from a space of strength and authenticity.
Personal Journey: A Lesson in Self-Reunion
For much of my life, I believed that love meant devotion to another, that to love truly meant giving everything—my time, my energy, my heart. This belief found its strongest expression in my most recent relationship. I poured my soul into him, elevating him to the center of my world, convinced that my unwavering loyalty would be met with the same in return. But love, when placed outside of oneself, carries risk.
The moment of betrayal came not just from him but from within—I had betrayed myself. I had given him the love, care, and commitment that I had long neglected to give to myself. The pain of his disloyalty forced me to see that my devotion had been misplaced. I had been seeking from another what I needed to find within myself.
Through this painful realization, I discovered the true meaning of self-love. It is not selfishness or isolation. It is the reclamation of the energy we so readily give to others, a redirection of love inward, where it can nourish and strengthen us. My journey toward self-reunion began with acknowledging that I had always been whole and that no external force could complete me.
Embracing Wholeness
Ultimately, the search for love is a search for self-reintegration. To love oneself is to reunite with what was never truly lost—to reclaim, embody, and celebrate the completeness that has always been within. When we embrace our wholeness, we transform our relationship with ourselves and the world around us.
By fostering self-acceptance and inner peace, we move through life confidently and clearly, no longer bound by external validation or approval. This transformation radiates outward, influencing our relationships, decisions, and contributions to the world. True self-love empowers us to offer love freely, without fear or dependency, and to uplift others by demonstrating what it means to be whole.
Reuniting love to oneself is not a destination but a lifelong practice—a commitment to self-growth, self-awareness, and profound self-respect. In choosing to love ourselves fully, we honor our existence and embrace the infinite potential within. This journey toward inner unity is the foundation of authentic love, enriching every facet of our lives and allowing us to experience deeper, more meaningful connections with the world around us.
